I will never be able to compete.

Or ever feel like I could.

So I will say for the last time....

let's just fuck it.



and yes...saying that




kills me.

I don't know.....really.....what this feeling is.
I can't shake it.
Jealousy?
maybe.
Because we all know that it's him who gets to see her when we want to.

I don't even think she knows how much I miss her.
It's more than I ever thought.
She's my best friend in the entire world...
And it does kill me that she would rather be over there.
That she would rather not hang out with me.
Her "Best Friend".

I hate it without her.
I hate it that when she finally came back...
I saw her once. For less than an hour.

I know she's busy. 
But I'm here. 
I know he's her best friend.
But I cannot move from this couch.
If I could, I would follow her wherever she went.

Because I don't know how long the next time will be when I can't see her.

Everyone came to see me.
Except for the ones who promised to.

But I will love her anyway.
And I will get over it.

I'll say my feelings weren't truly hurt.

But I'm a bad liar

So there are these bugs, right? And they are large and disgusting and they, for one reason or another, enjoy flying into every window of the house.

June Bugs in May?

wtf?

So I have this great idea. I will round them all together so I don't have to kill them individually. Beacause of course I'm going to kill them. Because I, for one, enjoy my sleep minus terrible sounds of large insects hitting the glass.

So now I have like 20 huge "June" bugs all together and I'm all "Shit how do I kill them?" Because honestly I do not want to smash them. I mean I do because that way I won't have to look at their ugly insect bodies again, but at the same time I SO do not want to feel that crunch.

And for some reason, while I have all these nasty bugs that won't die no matter how much I spray them with bleach (one of my earlier tactics), I look over at the microwave.

Yes.

I did it.

I put 20 or so June bugs in the microwave, hit the 30 second button and walked away while the little shits died. 

Finally.

ha.

I can say, it was not my idea. Although I do give my little girlie self Kudos for actually murdering those things in the freakin microwave.

Oh and don't worry. They were on a paper plate.

I am oh-so-sore

I went snowmobiling this weekend and I feel like my  body is literally falling apart.

Everything hurts : (

And my mom is cool and flipped the snowmobile over so the remainder of my body that probably would've hurt does. I fell right on my butt.

And to top it off I have yet to find an audition piece for musical.

I was counting on Eric to call me back today because we halfway made plans.

But now I don't know what that deal is.

And yes, that stresses me out.

Because I want to do well, but as unprepared as I am... I'm sure that it won't turn out like I hoped it would.

BUT, it'll work out.

hopefully.

wish me luck.